Random musings from a fucked up Malayalee

So here are some random musings. I haven't written in weeks and it feels like I need to write something.

I cracked my front tooth yesterday and I have a dentist appointment tomorrow.

I spent a week with my cousin and her husband and kids in some state in the US. I had a great time, i spoiled the kids as much as i could. i miss them.

On the way to my cousin's place I called the girl that I saw 2 months ago and wished her a happy birthday on her voicemail. I didn't hear anything back. Fuck her, who doesn't even acknowledge a thank-you for a happy birthday wish? Brown bitch!

So i emailed that girl my cousin wanted to introduce me to. I emailed once, heard a response, emailed again asking 10 questions, didn't hear anything back. Maybe it was the 10 questions but honestly, how do you get to know someone?

My mom keeps saying we get better proposals now but seriously, its basically from people that are still students, or from New Zealand with Indian educations, or stupid educations from India but raised in the middle east. Its all fucked up, we're not getting better proposals we're getting worse proposals. Honest to God all i want to do is drink myself into oblivion or shoot myself.

I might get married after all of this but it'll probably be to someone I really don't want to get married to but feel obligated. Ot it'll be the best that I can get. So the question is, lifelong marriage to someone you really don't want to or no marriage. I keep thinking in this situation no marriage is better. I hate my life.